Changing your reality by changing your life’s story
Written by Alex Poeter
Today I want to tell you something about myself: I grew up in the former East Germany under a totalitarian system. For years, I focused on the hardships, and the things I missed out on in my childhood. But later, I learned that I could tell a different story, by focusing on the resistance that the regime brought out in people who didn’t give up on the possibility of freedom, and how this shaped my commitment to creating a positive impact on the world.
We all have the ability to tell a new story about our lives, one that is not only positive, but empowering. And this is not about sugarcoating or being in denial about anything. It’s about being more intentional about what we choose to focus on. It’s also about noticing our ability to hold greater complexity: We can experience pain and struggle while being intentional about how we interpret those experiences.
To illustrate this, take a moment and think of an event in your life that was of great significance to you. First, imagine how someone who feels hopeless and negative would describe this event. Now, imagine how someone who feels hopeful and optimistic would describe it. Can you begin to see the same event through two different lenses?
How we interpret our life experiences matters a lot. The story we tell about our lives shapes how we experience the present and what we believe to be possible in the future. For example, if we mostly focus on past experiences where we feel like we screwed up, we’re likely to create a narrative about our shortcomings and about “how we’re not good enough”. Our dominant narrative impacts all of our beliefs and assumptions, and if those are mostly negative, we’re likely to keep looking for and finding evidence that supports them. What I’d like to invite you to consider is this:
What is your current story about you and your life?
What are the parts of your story that don’t feel empowering and hopeful to you?
How would you change those parts of your story in a way that feels more empowering and hopeful?
The next step is to start telling a new story about what you’d like to be true. Don’t try to lie to yourself, but rather look for new aspects to focus on and to start including in your narrative, as I did with my experience in East Germany.
How could you tell a story about your life in a way that brings out all your strengths to create empowering experiences for yourself and others?